The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
