I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
