when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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