just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Sorry about my life...
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
