Pants 0. Shit 1.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to