I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
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Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
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We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.