My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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