bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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