Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
