I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
