we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
