You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
