I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
