Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize