I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
