he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
