Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
