i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
