Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
