There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
