they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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