I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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