i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
