i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
