What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
