I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
