Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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