hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
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i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
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Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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