i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I have post one night stand depression
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