new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.