TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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