i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
