I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
