i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
