I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
