dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
