Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
