NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I intend to get homeless drunk
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
