I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize