Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
