Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
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And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
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And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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