I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
