So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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