Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
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