I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
