He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
