Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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