did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
