Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Randomize
