you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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