Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
