For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
