we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
my shit smells like andre
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
