I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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