You smell like a Billy Joel song
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Operation Purity has been aborted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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