I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
