Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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