I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
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Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
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Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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