what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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