she woke up with a sticky ear
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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