I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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