return my video game
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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