So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
