my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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