Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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