You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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