I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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