dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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