Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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