If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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