I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
