I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
