noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
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No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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