You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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