Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
