Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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