You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
