1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
