How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
not ubering you a puppy
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
